For the first holidays with a parent in assisted living, decide early whether to celebrate at the community or bring your parent out. Plan around their best time of day. Keep gatherings small and shorter than usual. Bring one or two traditions into their apartment, prepare relatives for any changes, and choose gifts that fit a small space. If you can't be there, schedule a call and ask staff to help.
Key facts
- The National Institute on Aging advises families of people with Alzheimer's to limit how many visitors come at one time, avoid crowds and changes in routine, and keep outings short. (NIA, 2024)
- The Alzheimer's Association suggests celebrating earlier in the day for people who get confused or agitated in the evening. (Alzheimer's Association, n.d.)
- For a parent with dementia, the Alzheimer's Association advises against gifts such as dangerous tools, utensils, challenging board games, complicated electronic equipment and pets. (Alzheimer's Association, n.d.)
- The Alzheimer's Association suggests sending relatives a short letter or email before the holidays that explains what has changed. (Alzheimer's Association, n.d.)
- The National Institute on Aging lists video chat among the ways to stay engaged and connected. (NIA, 2024)
The first Thanksgiving, Hanukkah or Christmas after the move is a small milestone that can feel large. The house where everyone used to gather may be sold. Your parent may be settled, or may still be asking to go home. And the family has opinions about where dinner should happen. This post helps you decide where to celebrate and how to shape the day around your parent. It also covers bringing traditions into a small apartment, preparing relatives, picking gifts that work, and staying close if you can't be there.
Celebrate at the community or bring your parent out?
Both can work. Decide a few weeks ahead, with your parent, and tell the staff. The table below compares the options.
| Option | Often works well when | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|
| Join the community's holiday meal or party | Your parent is still adjusting, has memory loss, or tires easily | Ask how many family guests are allowed and whether you need to book |
| A small celebration in your parent's apartment or a private room | You want family time without a crowd | Ask about reserving a private dining or activity room |
| A few hours at a family member's home | Your parent is settled, mobile and enjoys outings | Stairs, bathroom access, noise, and the drive back after dark |
| An overnight stay away | Your parent is independent and has done it before | Medications, sleep in a strange bed, and the return to the community |
If your parent leaves the building, talk to the nurse or wellness director in advance. Ask how sign-out works and which medications need to go along, and at what times. Ask who to call if something goes wrong. Check the community's visitation policies too. The Alzheimer's Association reminds families of parents in care communities to do this.
When you raise it with your parent, offer a real choice:
"Mom, for Thanksgiving we could come here and have dinner with you in the private dining room, or pick you up for a few hours at my sister's house. What would you enjoy more?"
Plan the day around your parent
Plan around your parent's energy, even if that means bending the usual schedule. The National Institute on Aging has holiday tips for families of people with Alzheimer's. They include accepting that things will be different and limiting how many visitors come at one time. The list goes on with avoiding crowds and changes in routine, and making a quiet space for breaks. For outings, it advises going at the time of day when the person is at their best, and keeping the time away short.
- Earlier is often better. The Alzheimer's Association suggests celebrating earlier in the day for people who get confused or agitated in the evening.
- Shorter than you think. Two good hours beat six tiring ones.
- Fewer people at once. Spread visitors across the afternoon, or across the week.
- A quiet corner. Set up a bedroom or den with a favorite chair and calm music.
- An exit plan. Have one person ready to drive your parent back early, without any fuss.
Who's coming, when, and who drives Mom back
Parent Move Plan has a Team tab that shows who lives nearby. It also has a weekly check-in agenda for the family. That way holiday visits get spread across the season, so they don't pile into one tiring afternoon.
Get your first 3 days freeBring the holiday into the apartment
Pick the one or two traditions that mean the most and bring them to your parent. The National Institute on Aging suggests including the person's holiday traditions. Its tips mention involving them in spiritual activities they've known well, such as services, readings, sacred music, prayer and holiday rituals.
- A small tree, menorah or wreath. Ask the community about its rules on real candles, lights and door decorations.
- The family recipe, cooked by someone else and brought in. Your parent gets to taste and approve it.
- The music your parent always played this time of year.
- The old ornaments or holiday photos, in a small box they can go through with grandchildren.
- A religious service at the community or their own congregation, if a ride can be arranged.
The Alzheimer's Association suggests involving the person in holiday tasks they enjoy and can manage, like wrapping gifts, decorating or setting the table. Blinking lights may confuse some people with dementia, it notes. Decorating the room for the season helps it feel like theirs, too. There are more ideas in how to make an assisted living room feel like home.
Prepare the rest of the family
Relatives who haven't seen your parent since the move may be surprised by changes. Tell them before the day, so the news doesn't wait until they're at the door. The Alzheimer's Association suggests a short letter or email to relatives. It explains what has changed and asks them not to take it personally if they're not recognized. The letter can ask them to call when they're nearby, so you can prepare.
A short version you can adapt:
"Before the holidays, a quick update on Dad. He's settling in at [community], and he's enjoying the music there. He tires easily now and can lose track of the talk in a big group. So we'll keep dinner small and early, and visitors will come in twos. If he mixes up names, just go with it. A warm hello and a story from the old days will mean a lot to him."
Also agree on one message about the move. The holidays are when a well-meaning cousin says "we'll get you back home". Ask everyone to avoid that line.
Gifts that work in assisted living
Choose gifts that fit a small space and a new routine. Good choices:
- A photo calendar with family birthdays and visit days marked
- Comfortable, easy-care clothing, already labeled for the laundry (see labeling clothes for assisted living)
- A soft throw or a favorite-colored cardigan
- Large-print books, audiobooks, or a simple puzzle
- A digital photo frame the family can load remotely, if your parent can manage it
- Stamps, cards and a list of addresses for their own holiday mail
- A "voucher" for a standing outing: breakfast out the first Saturday of every month
For a parent with dementia, the Alzheimer's Association advises against some gifts. These include dangerous tools, utensils, challenging board games, complicated electronic equipment and pets. It suggests involving the person in giving, too, such as helping bake cookies for others or wrapping a gift you bought.
If you can't be there
Distance, work or your own family may keep you away on the day itself. Plan a substitute you can count on. It doesn't need to be grand.
- Schedule a call or video call at a set time, and tell the staff.
- Ask whether staff can help your parent join a video call. The Alzheimer's Association suggests asking a caregiver in the community to help. If that's not possible, it notes, a simple phone call still means a lot.
- Give video calls some structure, like a song, an old photo or opening a gift together. The National Institute on Aging lists video chat among the ways to stay engaged and connected.
- Time a card or package to arrive before the day.
- Ask a local friend, church member or cousin to drop by.
- Pick a second celebration date when you can be there.
For year-round routines from far away, see staying close to a parent in assisted living from far away. For setting up the devices, see phone, tablet and Wi-Fi for a parent in assisted living.
Finally, leave room for your own feelings. The first holidays after a move can bring grief for the old traditions, even when the new setup is working. The National Institute on Aging tells caregivers to be realistic about what they can do over the holidays. Its advice also covers making time for the holiday activities you enjoy yourself. How visits fit into the rest of the year is covered in how often to visit a parent in assisted living.
Frequently asked questions
Should I bring my parent home for the holidays from assisted living?
It depends on your parent's health, mobility, memory and how settled they are. A short visit home can be a joy for some parents and confusing or exhausting for others. Ask the community's nurse about medications and sign-out, check stairs and bathrooms at the host's home, and plan a shorter visit than you think you need, with an easy way to leave early.
Is it a bad idea to take a parent with dementia out for the holidays?
It can work with careful planning. The National Institute on Aging suggests avoiding crowds, changes in routine and strange places that may confuse the person, limiting the number of visitors at one time, and creating a quiet space for breaks. Some families celebrate at the community instead, or keep an outing short and early in the day.
What are good holiday gifts for a parent in assisted living?
Things that fit a small space and daily life: a photo calendar with family birthdays, comfortable labeled clothing, a soft throw, large-print books or puzzles, favorite snacks if the diet allows, or a standing date for a visit. For a parent with dementia, the Alzheimer's Association advises against gifts such as dangerous tools, complicated electronics, challenging board games or pets.
What if I can't visit my parent in assisted living over the holidays?
Schedule a call or video call at a set time, and ask the staff whether they can help your parent join a video call. Send a card or a small package timed to arrive before the day, and ask a local friend or relative to stop by. The Alzheimer's Association notes that even a simple phone call goes a long way.
Sources
- National Institute on Aging: Adapting Activities for People With Alzheimer's Disease (accessed Sept 2026)
- Alzheimer's Association: The Holidays and Alzheimer's (accessed Sept 2026)
- National Institute on Aging: Loneliness and Social Isolation: Tips for Staying Connected (accessed Sept 2026)