Questions to ask your parent's doctor before assisted living

The community wants a medical form, and your siblings want to know if Mom "really" needs this. Your mom wants to know if her doctor agrees. One well-prepared appointment can answer all three, if you walk in with the right questions and the paperwork in hand.

This post covers what to do before the visit and the questions to ask, grouped by topic. It also shows how to run the visit so your parent stays at the center of it.

Before the appointment

Get permission to be involved. The National Institute on Aging explains that your parent can tell the doctor out loud, during the visit, that you may be there and that the doctor can share information with you. To talk with the doctor or see records when your parent isn't there, you'll need written permission. Most offices have a consent form, sometimes called a HIPAA release, where your parent names you. Our guide to HIPAA authorization for family members walks through it.

Bring the right things. NIA's list starts with insurance cards and the names and numbers of other doctors. Bring medical records if this doctor doesn't have them. Bring a list of every medicine, vitamin, over-the-counter drug and supplement, with doses and times. Add:

• The assisted living community's medical form, with its deadline written on top.
• A short log of what you've seen over two weeks: falls, missed pills, bathing, nights, memory lapses.
• Your parent's glasses and working hearing aids.
• Your questions, most important first.
• A copy of any medical power of attorney. NIA suggests making sure every one of your parent's providers has a copy of that document.

Ask for enough time. When booking, tell the office the visit is about a move to assisted living and includes a form. Ask whether a longer appointment is possible.

Questions about the level of care

If you're unsure what an older person needs, NIA suggests asking a health care provider which services would help most. Be specific:

1. Based on what you know, is assisted living a safe level of care, or does my parent need memory care or skilled nursing?
2. Does my parent need nursing care every day, or help with daily activities?
3. Is it safe for my parent to be alone at night? For how long during the day?
4. What is my parent's fall risk, and what would lower it?
5. Are there health problems a community should watch closely, and what warning signs should staff report to you?
6. Would physical or occupational therapy help before or after the move?
7. Would a home health referral help while my parent settles in?
8. Is it safe to wait a few months, or should this happen soon? What would tell us it can't wait?
9. If my parent stays home for now, what one change would lower the risk the most?

State rules matter here. Florida, for example, doesn't allow assisted living communities to admit or keep residents who are bedridden or need 24-hour nursing supervision, except under a hospice arrangement. The doctor's answers to questions 1 and 2 tell you whether your parent is close to a line like that.

The doctor's view may differ from yours, or from a sibling's. If so, ask what the doctor is basing it on. Share what you've seen at home that the doctor may not have. A short office visit shows a snapshot. Your two-week log shows the pattern over time, so the doctor needs both.

Questions about causes that might be treatable

Some changes that look like lasting decline aren't. The American Bar Association has a guide on making decisions. It lists short-term or reversible problems that can affect how a person functions and decides. They include infections, dehydration, delirium, poor nutrition, pain, hearing or vision loss, medicine side effects, stress, grief and depression.

1. Could any of the recent changes be caused by an infection, dehydration, pain or a medicine?
2. Should my parent be screened for depression?
3. When were vision and hearing last checked?
4. Are there tests you'd want before we make a decision?

You could start the appointment like this: "We're thinking about assisted living, and Mom wants your honest opinion. Before we decide, could you check whether anything that's changed lately might be treatable? Then we have a form from the community we'd like to go over with you."

Questions about medications

1. Is every medicine on this list still needed? Could any be stopped or combined?
2. Could the schedule be made simpler, for example fewer times a day?
3. Which medicines are most important never to miss, and what happens if a dose is late?
4. Do any medicines raise the risk of falls or confusion?
5. Should the community store and give the medicines, or can my parent keep handling some?

That last question connects to the form. California's medical assessment asks whether each medicine should be stored by staff. How communities handle medicines is covered in medication management in assisted living.

Questions about memory and thinking

1. Is this mild cognitive impairment, dementia, or something else? What's the diagnosis on record?
2. Would a visit with a specialist help?
3. Does my parent understand this decision well enough to make it? (Ask this privately if needed.)
4. What changes should we expect over the next year, and what would signal a need for memory care?
5. How often should memory be re-checked?

For context, NIA recommends that people with mild cognitive impairment see a doctor every six to 12 months to track changes. It also notes that some memory problems come from conditions that can be treated.

Questions about the admission form

Each state sets what the medical report must include and when. California's medical assessment, for instance, must be made within the last year. It covers an exam for communicable tuberculosis and other contagious diseases, medical history, height, weight and blood pressure. It also lists current medicines, physical limits and diet, and whether the person is ambulatory (able to walk on their own). Memory and thinking and any behavioral expressions are on it too. Florida requires an exam within 60 days before admission or 30 days after.

1. Can you fill out this form today, or what do you need first?
2. Do you need to order a TB test or chest X-ray for it? See the TB test for assisted living.
3. When will it be sent, and to whom?
4. Can we have a copy for our records?

What the form is and who can fill it out is explained in the physician's report for assisted living.

During and after the visit

NIA has advice for the visit itself. Let your parent answer when the doctor asks a question, unless you've been asked to speak. Don't turn it into a back-and-forth between you and the doctor. Take notes. Step out if your parent wants to talk in private.

Afterward, ask for written materials. Ask whether a social worker on staff can suggest local help. Then send the form and confirm it arrived. Share a short written summary with your siblings, so everyone works from the doctor's own words rather than a retelling. The doctor's answers feed right into the assisted living assessment, and the moving checklist shows what comes next.

Frequently asked questions

Sources

1. National Institute on Aging: Taking Someone to a Doctor's Appointment, Tips for Caregivers (accessed Sept 2026)
2. California Code of Regulations, Title 22, Section 87458: Medical Assessment (accessed Sept 2026)
3. The Florida Statutes: Section 429.26, Appropriateness of placements; examinations of residents (accessed Sept 2026)
4. American Bar Association: PRACTICAL Tool for Lawyers, Steps in Supporting Decision-Making (accessed Sept 2026)
5. National Institute on Aging: What Is Mild Cognitive Impairment? (accessed Sept 2026)
6. National Institute on Aging: How To Choose a Nursing Home or Other Long-Term Care Facility (accessed Sept 2026)