Questions for the doctor before assisted living

The short answer

Before assisted living, book a visit with your parent's doctor and ask about five things: what level of care is safe (assisted living, memory care or skilled nursing), whether any decline has a treatable cause, how medications should be simplified and handled, what memory testing shows, and the community's admission form and its deadline. Get written permission to talk with the doctor, and bring a medication list.

The community wants a medical form. Your siblings want to know if Mom “really” needs this. Your mom wants to know if her doctor agrees. One well-prepared appointment can answer all three, if you walk in with the right questions and the paperwork in hand.

This post gives you what to do before the visit, the questions to ask grouped by topic, and how to handle the visit so your parent stays at the center of it.

Before the appointment

Get permission to be involved. The National Institute on Aging explains that your parent can tell the doctor verbally, during the visit, that you may be there and that information can be shared with you. To talk with the doctor or see records when your parent isn't there, you'll need written permission. Most offices have a consent form, sometimes called a HIPAA release, where your parent names you. Our guide to HIPAA authorization for family members walks through it.

Bring the right things. NIA's list: insurance cards, names and numbers of other doctors, medical records if this doctor doesn't have them, and a list of every medication, vitamin, over-the-counter drug and supplement with doses and times. Add:

The assisted living community's medical form, with its deadline written on top.
A short log of what you've observed over two weeks: falls, missed pills, bathing, nights, memory lapses.
Your parent's glasses and working hearing aids.
Your questions, most important first.
A copy of any medical power of attorney. NIA suggests making sure every one of your parent's providers has a copy of that document.

Ask for enough time. When booking, tell the office the visit is about a move to assisted living and includes a form, and ask whether a longer appointment is possible.

Questions about the level of care

NIA suggests asking a health care provider which services would help most if you're unsure what an older person needs. Be specific:

Based on what you know, is assisted living a safe level of care, or does my parent need memory care or skilled nursing?
Does my parent need nursing care every day, or help with daily activities?
Is it safe for my parent to be alone at night? For how long during the day?
What is my parent's fall risk, and what would reduce it?
Are there conditions a community should watch closely, and what warning signs should staff report to you?
Would physical or occupational therapy help before or after the move?
Would a home health referral help during the transition?
Is it safe to wait a few months, or should this happen soon? What would tell us it can't wait?
If my parent stays home for now, what one change would lower the risk the most?

State rules matter here. Florida, for example, doesn't allow assisted living facilities to admit or keep residents who are bedridden or need 24-hour nursing supervision, except under a hospice arrangement. The doctor's answers to questions 1 and 2 tell you whether your parent is close to a line like that.

If the doctor's view differs from yours, or from a sibling's, ask what the doctor is basing it on, and share what you've seen at home that the doctor may not. A short office visit shows a snapshot; your two-week log shows the pattern. Neither replaces the other.

Questions about causes that might be treatable

Some changes that look like permanent decline aren't. The American Bar Association's decision-making tool lists temporary or reversible conditions that can affect how a person functions and decides, including infections, dehydration, delirium, malnutrition, pain, hearing or vision loss, medication side effects, stress, grief and depression.

Could any of the recent changes be caused by an infection, dehydration, pain or a medication?
Should my parent be screened for depression?
When were vision and hearing last checked?
Are there tests you'd want before we make a decision?

What to say to open the visit: “We're thinking about assisted living, and Mom wants your honest opinion. Before we decide, could you check whether anything that's changed lately might be treatable? Then we have a form from the community we'd like to go over with you.”

Questions about medications

Is every medication on this list still needed? Could any be stopped or combined?
Could the schedule be simplified, for example fewer times a day?
Which medications are most important never to miss, and what happens if a dose is late?
Are any medications risky for falls or confusion?
Should the community store and give the medications, or can my parent keep managing some?

That last question connects to the form: California's medical assessment includes whether each medication should be centrally stored. How communities handle medications is covered in medication management in assisted living.

Don't let the doctor's form be the last-minute task

Doctor visits and forms with time windows are where moves can stall. Parent Move Plan puts each admission task, including the medical form and TB screening, on a real date counted back from move-in day, with 79 tasks in all.

Build your plan in 2 minutes

Questions about memory and thinking

Is this mild cognitive impairment, dementia, or something else? What's the diagnosis on record?
Would a specialist evaluation help?
Does my parent understand this decision well enough to make it? (Ask this privately if needed.)
What changes should we expect over the next year, and what would signal a need for memory care?
How often should memory be re-checked?

For context, NIA recommends that people with mild cognitive impairment see a doctor every six to 12 months to track changes, and notes that some memory problems come from treatable conditions.

Questions about the admission form

Each state sets what the medical report must include and when. California's medical assessment, for instance, must be made within the last year and covers an exam for communicable tuberculosis and other contagious diseases, medical history, height, weight and blood pressure, current medications, physical limitations and diet, whether the person is ambulatory, cognitive conditions, and any behavioral expressions. Florida requires an exam within 60 days before admission or 30 days after.

Can you complete this form today, or what do you need first?
Do you need to order a TB test or chest X-ray for it? See the TB test for assisted living.
When will it be sent, and to whom?
Can we have a copy for our records?

What the form is and who can fill it out is explained in the physician's report for assisted living.

During and after the visit

NIA's advice for the visit itself: let your parent answer when the doctor asks a question, unless you've been asked to speak. Don't turn it into a two-way conversation between you and the doctor. Take notes. Step out if your parent wants to talk privately.

Afterward, ask for written materials, and ask whether a social worker on staff can suggest community resources. Then send the form, confirm it arrived, and share a short written summary with your siblings, so everyone works from the doctor's actual words rather than a retelling. The doctor's answers feed directly into the assisted living assessment, and the moving checklist shows what comes next.

Frequently asked questions

Can my parent's doctor talk to me about their health?

If your parent agrees, yes. The National Institute on Aging notes that your parent can tell the doctor verbally during the appointment that you may be there, and that most offices have a consent form, sometimes called a HIPAA release, to name who can get information. To speak with the doctor when your parent isn't present, you'll need that written permission or another legal authority.

Does my parent need a physical before moving to assisted living?

Check with the community, because states set their own rules on the medical report and its timing. In Florida, for example, the exam must be within 60 days before admission or 30 days after; in California, the medical assessment must be from within the last year. Ask the community for its form and deadline.

Can the doctor tell us whether assisted living is the right choice?

The doctor can describe your parent's medical needs, safety risks and whether they need skilled nursing, which helps you judge the right level of care. The decision itself belongs to your parent, with the family, and the community makes its own assessment of whether it can meet those needs.

What if the doctor won't fill out the assisted living form?

Ask the office why and what they need, such as a visit within a certain time frame or a specific staff member to complete it. If your parent's regular doctor can't do it in time, ask the community which other licensed clinicians it accepts, and whether any state rules apply to who may complete it.

Sources

National Institute on Aging: Taking Someone to a Doctor's Appointment, Tips for Caregivers (accessed Sept 2026)
California Code of Regulations, Title 22, Section 87458: Medical Assessment (accessed Sept 2026)
The Florida Statutes: Section 429.26, Appropriateness of placements; examinations of residents (accessed Sept 2026)
American Bar Association: PRACTICAL Tool for Lawyers, Steps in Supporting Decision-Making (accessed Sept 2026)
National Institute on Aging: What Is Mild Cognitive Impairment? (accessed Sept 2026)
National Institute on Aging: How To Choose a Nursing Home or Other Long-Term Care Facility (accessed Sept 2026)

An organizing guide, not legal, financial or medical advice. Rules differ by state; check with your state's licensing agency and the right professional.

Questions to ask your parent's doctor before assisted living